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  • July 11, 2014 - Reflections

    By Jean S. Horner
    The other day while walking down a corridor in a public building, I saw what appeared to be someone walking toward me. On coming closer, I found it was my own reflection in a huge mirror. For a moment it frightened me. Somehow a full-length reflection of one’s self is a startling thing. ...


 

Daily Boost

December 26, 2011 - Don’t Press That Button

By Dave Kidd

Robin and I were enjoying lunch with another couple. Our time was spent with some good food and great conversation. The conversation was quite humorous as we shared our experiences in marriage, family and ministry.

Near the end of our time together, in response to something that was said, I made one of my usual statements about how no person can make us angry. We simply choose to become angry in certain situations.

The conversation continued with the wives mentioning about how we, as husbands and wives, can walk on or push each other’s buttons — buttons that can fuel a negative and sometimes explosive reaction.

We all have buttons — those vulnerable areas we try to protect so much that we hide them away and seldom address the need to work through them.

While we are all fairly predictable, our buttons can change regularly, even daily. We know how frustrated a wife can become when something she says or does causes little or no reaction in her husband one day and causes a massive explosion the next.

Or, the confusion a husband feels when he can say the exact same words, in the exact same tone, and in a very similar situation, and have two very different outcomes in regard to how his wife will react.

The typical result of these scenarios? Nothing. We stop doing anything for fear of our spouse’s reaction. The marriage then becomes isolated and driven by fear and avoidance.

Here is how it plays out in practical terms:

Communication Isolation: We don’t talk about those issues.

Relational Isolation: We don’t put ourselves in situations, as a couple or with other couples, where those issues may come up.

Heart Isolation: We bury the issue and never address it within ourselves.

Physical Isolation: We cannot fully abandon ourselves to enjoy the physical intimacy of our love.

Spiritual Isolation: Our ability to be intimate with each other and with God is hindered.

When we fail to control our reactions or fail to respond in a well-thought-out manner, we strip away the stabilizing factors of safety and security in our marriage.

As a Christian husband or wife, we need to provide a place of safety and security for our spouse in which we can share together. A place where we can speak the truth in love, and share the most intimate of our thoughts and what we are feeling.

“[Love] always protects” (1 Corinthians 13:7, NIV). Safety and security speak of protection. Do we truly love our spouse?

Loving our spouse is not shown by avoiding our spouse’s buttons. It is shown by working together through those issues each of us has. When we do that, we protect each other and we disconnect the negative power that those buttons release.

— Dave Kidd is the author of the Monday Marriage Minder devotionals and serves with his wife, Robin, as a clergy couple for the Assemblies of God’s Marriage Encounter. Together they lead Binding Hearts Marriage and Family Ministries.

 

 

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